Characters at the Movies...

We all know those people at the movies who dreaded movie companions: the tall guy who blocks your view, the loud snorer, the sniffler, the cougher, the couple that is obviously making out, the audience participant (those can be fun too), the talkers who are giving a running commentary on the movie to their friends (or whomever is around), and the loud eaters and slurpers and gulpers and crunchers. But usually there are just one or two. But not when you are me. No, when you are me, you go to the movies and everyone of these people are there and they are somehow in rare form where every ailment/characteristic seems to exponentially worsen as the movie goes on.

This is what happened to me today when I went to go see the Hulk at the $1 theater. But, I only paid a dollar, so I guess I shouldn't complain. But there were times when I thought I must be on candid camera. I thought, "Are you serious? Really? Is it necessary for you to keep slurping your soda? There is nothing left in there! We can all hear it!! There are just a few pieces of ice in there, I swear!" Or there was a classic moment when the man in the second row (who was on his cell phone talking full volume for most of the start of the movie) jolted awake after he nearly choked on one of his more impressive snores and then got out of his seat because he appeared to have lost something and started crawling on the floor after he strapped a head lamp on his forehead. I'm not even making that up!!! These were the loudest snores I've ever heard--I think he has a problem, he may have sleep apnea. I'd say he was snoring for a good two-thirds of the movie too. At first when he started crawling on the floor, I thought he was just trying to get more comfortable and he was going to lie down and go to sleep, but instead he spend about twenty minutes distracting me from a key plot point...When he found what he was looking for, he went back to sleep.

And there were many, many more! They were all there. The classic cast of characters that ruin a movie. I thought maybe I had stumbled upon a reunion. The woman behind me repeated almost everything that was said and occasionally she would yell at the screen or gasp so audibly, I thought she might be having trouble breathing. And whatever she didn't understand what was happening, she asked her boyfriend. I mean, seriously, just watch the movie! You'll figure it out! The Hulk is not that intellectually challenging, lady!

And then there was a man who had a terrible sinus problem. I have never heard anyone sniff and grunt and snort so loud. It sounded like he must have been doing damage to his brain! Get this man a tissue! I was thinking about going to the bathroom to get him a paper towel (or twelve). And it was constant, there was a pattern to it. Sniiiiiiiiiiiiff, sniff, sniff (pause and begin again). I started feeling myself waiting for the next sniff. It was excruciating knowing it was coming, but it became a sort of comfort as the movie went on--something to depend on, knowing there would always be another sniff. Actually no, it was just excruciating. But hilarious too.

I couldn't help but be amused by these people. I know it sounds like I was angry, but really I found the absurdity of it incredibly humorous. People are crazy. And I'm not excluding myself from that category. We all just happened to end up in the same movie theater at the same time...

Also, while in the movie, I noticed another of my amber pieces in my ring fell out. I have bad luck with rings. Especially rings I like (which is pretty much all of them--including the mood rings I got in middle school).

Tonight one of my packages came. Not the teddy-bear package, but the Futurama package, which is equally important. I feel lost without my Futurama. I was thinking about getting a pug and naming him Zoidberg--don't take my idea!

Also, my landlady invited me over for dinner and I met her boyfriend(?). He lives on a different island but comes here once a month and I think they've "been together" for a very long time (15-20 years) so I'm not sure that he's a boyfriend. Anyway, very nice man. Also Swiss, like my landlady. When I left, I had that weird feeling that I know they are now talking about me. I hope he liked me. I like them both a lot. I've now seen a few other apartments, and I'm very lucky--in price and space(!!) so I don't want them to kick me out.

This post is getting a little long, so I will end it...Now.